THE TRUTH: 2 Years Later
Today is a very very special 2-year anniversary for me. A milestone and a proud moment. It has been a crazy two years, as everyone who was in my life at that time is now gone...and that's probably for the best.
I have to THANK my family - my angel of a mother (I don't know how I got so blessed with her. I see other mothers and how they treat their children and the horrible advice they give, I realize how LUCKY I am to have MY mom), my brother (Although he may not always agree with my decisions or how I do things, my brother's love is ALWAYS unconditional. My earliest memories are of him being born. He is my everything), my late kitty, Seymour (My "little miracle"...I'll never find a more loving creature on this earth) and my amazing grandparents (How did I get so lucky to have John and Dorothy as my grandparents? The love that those two shared...I don't believe those bonds exist anymore).
The support given to me by my family above has been nothing short of amazing and unconditional. I love them the most. They talk the talk and walk the walk.
I've been lucky to have supportive friends from afar who have rooted me on in this journey. You know who you are if you are reading this blog post. Even though you're not here with me in NYC...please know that I love you all to pieces.
To those who SO easily turned their backs on me: "heartbreaking" doesn't do justice for what you initially caused me. I can remember a time where the pain was unbearable to a point where I couldn't imagine living anymore.
If someone is reading this in need - please know that those people who turned their backs on me are INCREDIBLY WEAK people. It's no reflection of who YOU are...it's a direct reflection of their inability to cope with the real world and ultimately, themselves. Trust me - they will get what's coming to them. Karma does come back around. Your focus should be on yourself though because you don't want to see what's coming to those people - trust me.
Until I brought it up, not one person congratulated me today or wanted to see me to celebrate my personal victory. Not one person. So there are downsides to choosing to live a healthy lifestyle. It will chase people away and right out of your life.
I find it so ironic that I'm completely alone in this moment that should be celebratory and full of friendship, smiles and laughter. Hugs + Harmony...but that only exists in movies and parables and stories that we tell ourselves. It's not how real life works.
For all of you incredibly weak people who were in my life when I was the "life of the party": (initials only, as to not call anyone out individually) AL, GV, ZRH, BJH, SB....I feel sorry for you. I was heartbroken at one time, but I release you all.
This two-year milestone has to mean something. I forgive you all, though you're not sorry...I love you all, though you don't know how to reciprocate, and I do wish you the best. Believe it or not...I never stopped loving all of you. I never will. Love is love. You erased me from your lives, which is the epitome of inhumanity...but I believe your time of glory and self-revelation is yet to come. I'll be here to celebrate with you.
So, in conclusion: Happy 2-Year Anniversary to myself. I've done it and I'll keep doing it. If the whole world were to ever disappear - at least I'd have myself, right?
Don't ever give up on yourself, please. I've done it too many times to count, so I'm not a "self-righteous saint" by any means.
I make more mistakes than probably all of you. What sets me apart though, is that I get my ass right back up and TRY AGAIN. I forgive myself since many of you are incapable of forgiveness, or truly don't know how to identify when someone loves you. It's something I work on daily to make sure I never miss.
I can sit here and mope some more, perhaps. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sobbing at the truth that no one wanted to be with me on this special occasion. What other choice does one have but to keep hope that life will get better? I won't say it WILL, but there is a CHANCE that it could. That small sliver of hope is enough to keep me going...and it should be enough for everyone. As long as there's hope, there's a chance at a silver lining.
Most of all - HATE cannot exist without LOVE first. I don't know what hate is yet and I hope I never find out. I wish the best for all of you as well. Turn to that person you love as soon as you can and please tell them before it's too late. Life is too precious to wrap yourself up in hate and wiping people off the radar.
I can guarantee you a fruitful life if you can follow those words of advice.
I love you...but most of all I love myself for accomplishing what I have. I'm in the tier of people who are strong and tenacious. Can I ask for anything better? Can you say the same for yourself?